9 Warning Signs You May Be In an Unhealthy Relationship

February 5, 2024

Every relationship is different. What works for one couple might be completely different than what works for another. However, there’s a difference between a relationship being unique and individual, and a relationship being harmful or unhealthy for one or both partners. It can be hard for people to know if they’re in an unhealthy relationship, since you can grow used to the lifestyle or deny that problems exist. If you think your relationship might be unhealthy or you aren’t sure, take a look below to find several common warning signs in unhealthy relationships.

Physical Abuse

One of the most common hallmarks of an unhealthy or dangerous relationship is physical abuse from one partner to the other, often in the form of hitting or slapping. No matter who hit whom or how often it occurs, physical abuse is just that: abuse. No healthy relationship should resort to violence.

Ridicule and Name Calling

It’s normal for couples to argue from time to time, but if your arguments ever descend from a disagreement about an issue to ridicule of each other’s character or personality, you might have a problem. Calling each other stupid, lazy, or other negative terms can show a lack of respect between partners, and that doesn’t spell a happy couple.

Jealous Behavior

If you feel like your partner is constantly checking up on you, interrogating you about your friends or activities, or making you feel bad for doing things away from them, that could be a sign of an unhealthy relationship. Overly needy or possessive behavior also counts as jealousy, so don’t be flattered when your partner is unreasonable about you spending time elsewhere or doing things with other friends.

Unsavory Behavior towards Others

While it’s not a direct symptom of an unhealthy relationship, undesirable behavior towards others can often signal deeper problems or potential for abuse. If your partner is verbally or physically sexist, racist, or abusive toward other people outside your relationship, there’s a greater chance that he or she will also turn that behavior toward you. Remember, you should be proud and happy to be with your partner, not reluctant or embarrassed.

History of Abuse

New relationships often take on some of the character of previous relationships in our lives. If your partner experienced an abusive relationship when he or she was growing up, they might unconsciously emulate some of those behaviors in their own relationships. Counseling can help people deal with past abuse and have healthy relationships again, but it’s not easy or quick.

Threats and Ultimatums

One characteristic sign of an unhealthy relationship is when one partner starts making threats or ultimatums for the other person. These can be threats of violence, such as promises to hurt or kill the other person, or threats of leaving the relationship or exposing secrets. Threats can even be promises to hurt themselves, like threats of suicide (“I’d kill myself if you left me.”). Ultimatums – demands that the other partner do something, no matter what – also fall into this category. In any case, all of these techniques are ways for one partner to control the other with force.

Lack of Support

A common thread in many unhealthy relationships is one partner feeling unsupported or cast away by the other partner. If you feel like your hopes and ambitions are met with criticism and negativity rather than support and guidance from your partner, you might be in an unhealthy relationship. Remember that your partner isn’t obligated to support you all the time, but they also shouldn’t leave you feeling resentful or unhappy.

Alcohol or Substance Abuse

Again, a history of alcohol or drug abuse is not necessarily indicative of an unhealthy relationship. However, alcohol and drug abuse do often point toward other mental or psychological problems such as depression, addiction, or impulse control problems. You might suggest counseling before leaving your partner for their substance abuse problems, but if they aren’t willing to work on the problem it’s a bad sign.

Cheating and Infidelity

If you’re in an exclusive relationship and your partner cheats on you, that can be a major sign that he or she doesn’t respect you or the relationship you have. Regardless of what they say or promise afterward, cheating is a bad sign. Some people’s relationships can weather this storm, but it’s entirely up to you whether you feel comfortable taking your partner back or not.

Obviously these aren’t all the signs of an unhealthy relationship, but they are some of the biggest and most visible. If you think you’re in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, help is available from several sources, including the Domestic Violence Victims Service from the Oklahoma District Attorneys Council. You can also learn more about healthy relationships from online sources like Love is Respect.

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When does a positive seem more like a negative?

By Alexia Amend • February 13, 2025

When you take a pregnancy test and pregnancy is NOT part of the plan. This is what happened when I took my first pregnancy test. I stared in disbelief wondering how on earth this could be happening to me. I was only 18, a senior in high school and not at all planning to have a baby. I felt fear and anxiety pressing down on me, and in my panic, I made a decision I wish I would have taken more time to make. I thought that having an abortion would be like hitting a reset button and that it would make it like I had never been pregnant. I didn’t know about fetal development, the risks associated with an abortion, what other options were available to me, or how I might feel someday looking back. All I knew was that I was pregnant and that it was a problem to be solved. Abortion promised to be an easy solution. It was not. I remember the emptiness I felt as I left the abortion clinic. Was this normal? I had just felt my body struggle against the suction machine and lose. I remember feeling the moment I became no longer pregnant. This wasn’t a reset. This wasn’t making it go away; this was something different. I couldn’t put it into words then, but looking back I can see the emptiness I felt become the predominate feeling in my life. I was empty. I tried hard to fill that emptiness by clinging to my boyfriend even more and working harder than ever to make my plans happen. Maybe then it would somehow justify what I had done. Nine months later I found myself looking at another positive pregnancy test. How? How could this happen again? What was I going to do? This time, I didn’t make the decision immediately. I went to Hope Pregnancy Center and learned more about my options. I learned about fetal development, abortion procedures and their risks, adoption, and parenting. They gave me the information I needed to make an informed decision. I looked very seriously at adoption. I went to an agency and was able to ask questions about the process and what it would be like if I chose that path. I felt like this pregnancy was a chance to make up for my decision to terminate my first pregnancy. So, in the end, my boyfriend and I decided to parent. He told me he would be there for me and we would be ok. He left when I was 5 months pregnant. He decided it was too much for him and he didn’t want to be a dad. All my worst fears came true. My boyfriend left, my goals and plans crumbled all around me. And now I was going to have a baby to raise on my own. I went back to Hope and took their parenting classes. I learned so much that helped prepare me for motherhood. I also earned items in the baby boutique that I would otherwise not been able to afford. They encouraged and supported me when I thought I was alone. Looking back, I can see what at first seemed negative, really was a positive. My daughter is now 25 and has two sweet boys of her own. I am so thankful for the gift she has been in my life. But having her didn’t ease the pain I felt from my abortion. In fact, it amplified it in many ways. It was hard to look at her ultrasound and know that was the same age I had my abortion. I didn’t celebrate any of my pregnancies because I always felt the shame and regret of ending my first pregnancy. It wasn’t until 10 years after having my daughter that I learned there was help available for women, like me, who have had an abortion. Hope Pregnancy Center offers a program called Forgiven and Set Free where post abortive women can come together and find healing. When I took the class, I learned just how deeply abortion wounded me. The class allowed me a safe place to look at the darkest day of my life and know that I am not alone. I am so thankful Hope was there for me when I needed hope most. And now I get the privilege of working on staff and being part of the team that helps women who feel the fear, anxiety, pain, guilt and shame, just like I felt, have Hope.

STD/STI Information

September 5, 2024

Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) can be a serious concern. We offer free Sexually Transmitted Disease information in Oklahoma as well as education, resources and referrals. Just because STDs are common doesn’t mean they’re no big deal. Left untreated, infections can cause irreversible damage to your reproductive system, which can lead to high risk pregnancy, miscarriage, infertility, sterility or other long-term complications. Serious complications can occur if an STD isn’t treated before you undergo an abortion procedure. STD testing is extremely important before deciding whether or not to have an abortion. Here’s how. During an abortion procedure, cells infected with Chlamydia or Gonorrhea can travel from your vaginal opening up into your uterus. When the cells travel and are not treated, you are at greater risk for developing a secondary infection called Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID). PID is pretty serious. According to the Center for Disease Control , it can put you at risk for ectopic pregnancy, infertility, abscess, chronic pelvic/abdominal pain, and pain and bleeding during sex. In order to avoid medical complications, the best thing to do is to make it a priority to get screened and treated first if you’re headed to the abortion clinic. You owe it to yourself to be safe. Don’t ignore the important step of STD testing before an abortion. The Center for Disease Control can provide you with accurate and up-to-date information on each STI.

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