thinkimpregnant-demo

When does a positive seem more like a negative?

alexia@rankmonsters.org (Alexia Pryor ) — Thu, 13 Feb 2025 14:00:55 GMT

When does a positive seem more like a negative?

When you take a pregnancy test and pregnancy is NOT part of the plan.

This is what happened when I took my first pregnancy test. I stared in disbelief wondering how

on earth this could be happening to me. I was only 18, a senior in high school and not at all

planning to have a baby. I felt fear and anxiety pressing down on me, and in my panic, I made a

decision I wish I would have taken more time to make.

I thought that having an abortion would be like hitting a reset button and that it would make it

like I had never been pregnant. I didn’t know about fetal development, the risks associated with

an abortion, what other options were available to me, or how I might feel someday looking back.

All I knew was that I was pregnant and that it was a problem to be solved.

Abortion promised to be an easy solution.

It was not.

I remember the emptiness I felt as I left the abortion clinic. Was this normal?

I had just felt my body struggle against the suction machine and lose. I remember feeling the

moment I became no longer pregnant. This wasn’t a reset. This wasn’t making it go away; this

was something different.

I couldn’t put it into words then, but looking back I can see the emptiness I felt become the

predominate feeling in my life. I was empty. I tried hard to fill that emptiness by clinging to my

boyfriend even more and working harder than ever to make my plans happen. Maybe then it

would somehow justify what I had done.

Nine months later I found myself looking at another positive pregnancy test. How? How could

this happen again? What was I going to do?

This time, I didn’t make the decision immediately. I went to Hope Pregnancy Center and

learned more about my options. I learned about fetal development, abortion procedures and

their risks, adoption, and parenting. They gave me the information I needed to make an

informed decision.

I looked very seriously at adoption. I went to an agency and was able to ask questions about

the process and what it would be like if I chose that path.

I felt like this pregnancy was a chance to make up for my decision to terminate my first

pregnancy. So, in the end, my boyfriend and I decided to parent. He told me he would be there

for me and we would be ok.

He left when I was 5 months pregnant. He decided it was too much for him and he didn’t want

to be a dad. All my worst fears came true. My boyfriend left, my goals and plans crumbled all

around me. And now I was going to have a baby to raise on my own.

I went back to Hope and took their parenting classes. I learned so much that helped prepare

me for motherhood. I also earned items in the baby boutique that I would otherwise not been

able to afford. They encouraged and supported me when I thought I was alone.

Looking back, I can see what at first seemed negative, really was a positive. My daughter is

now 25 and has two sweet boys of her own. I am so thankful for the gift she has been in my life.

But having her didn’t ease the pain I felt from my abortion. In fact, it amplified it in many ways.

It was hard to look at her ultrasound and know that was the same age I had my abortion. I

didn’t celebrate any of my pregnancies because I always felt the shame and regret of ending my

first pregnancy.

It wasn’t until 10 years after having my daughter that I learned there was help available for

women, like me, who have had an abortion.

Hope Pregnancy Center offers a program called Forgiven and Set Free where post abortive

women can come together and find healing. When I took the class, I learned just how deeply

abortion wounded me. The class allowed me a safe place to look at the darkest day of my life

and know that I am not alone.

I am so thankful Hope was there for me when I needed hope most. And now I get the privilege

of working on staff and being part of the team that helps women who feel the fear, anxiety, pain,

guilt and shame, just like I felt, have Hope.

STD/STI Information

Thu, 05 Sep 2024 21:14:01 GMT

Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) can be a serious concern. We offer free Sexually Transmitted Disease information in Oklahoma as well as education, resources and referrals.

Just because STDs are common doesn’t mean they’re no big deal. Left untreated, infections can cause irreversible damage to your reproductive system, which can lead to high risk pregnancy, miscarriage, infertility, sterility or other long-term complications.

Serious complications can occur if an STD isn’t treated before you undergo an abortion procedure. STD testing is extremely important before deciding whether or not to have an abortion.

Here’s how. During an abortion procedure, cells infected with Chlamydia or Gonorrhea can travel from your vaginal opening up into your uterus. When the cells travel and are not treated, you are at greater risk for developing a secondary infection called Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID).

PID is pretty serious. According to the Center for Disease Control , it can put you at risk for ectopic pregnancy, infertility, abscess, chronic pelvic/abdominal pain, and pain and bleeding during sex. In order to avoid medical complications, the best thing to do is to make it a priority to get screened and treated first if you’re headed to the abortion clinic.

You owe it to yourself to be safe. Don’t ignore the important step of STD testing before an abortion.

The Center for Disease Control can provide you with accurate and up-to-date information on each STI.

6 Misconceptions About Conception

Thu, 05 Sep 2024 21:03:07 GMT

When people come to Hope Pregnancy Center for pregnancy testing or consultations, they often share with us stories of how they thought they couldn’t become pregnant or why they thought they were safe. Let’s look at some of the more common myths about unintended pregnancy and conception. If you are concerned you may be pregnant, contact Hope Pregnancy Center today.

Myth #1: I Can’t Get Pregnant When I’m on my Period

This is one of the most common misconceptions about sex we hear. Many women think they cannot become pregnant during their menstrual periods. In truth, conception is possible for women during menstruation. The probability is low, but the possibility exists. Also, STDs or STIs (sexually transmitted diseases or infections) can be passed between partners any day of the month — even during menstruation.

Myth #2: Certain Positions Prevent Pregnancy

Some people believe that having sex in a certain position makes it impossible to get pregnant. A related myth is that you can prevent pregnancy by positioning yourself a certain way after intercourse. Both of these ideas are false. Sperm can travel into your uterus and fertilize an egg no matter what position you are in. In addition, a man’s sperm can stay alive inside your body for up to 5 days after sex, making the position you use irrelevant.

Myth #3: You Can’t Get Pregnant the First Time You Have Sex

Many young women believe if they are virgins, they cannot get pregnant the first time they have sex. A similar myth is you can’t get pregnant if you only have sex once or that you have to have sex multiple times in order to conceive. In both of these situations, the truth is that the chance of conception exists any time you have sex, no matter if it’s your first time or not.

Myth #4: Condoms and Birth Control Prevent All Pregnancies

While condoms and prescription birth control can help prevent conception, no birth control method is 100% effective. Pregnancies can happen even when you use birth control correctly. All forms of birth control include information about their failure rates — in other words, the percentage of times they weren’t effective. You should also note that prescription birth control methods don’t provide any protection against STDs or STIs. According to the CDC, the only way to keep yourself completely safe from STDs is to not have sex, or only have sex in a mutually-monogamous relationship with an uninfected partner.

Myth #5: The Morning After Pill is for Everyone

The morning after pill is marketed as a safe way to prevent conception if you have had unprotected sex or if your birth control fails. However, the effectiveness of this medication varies depending on factors such as weight, the time it is taken after intercourse, and other medications you may be taking, such as barbiturates or St. John’s Wort. All of these factors lower the effectiveness of these medications and make pregnancy more likely to occur.

Myth #6: Birth Control is Safe and Simple

Birth control is often marketed as a safe way to prevent pregnancy with no downsides or serious side effects. Common side effects of these medications are spotting or bleeding between periods, nausea, breast tenderness, and headaches. However, there are other side effects that, while less common, can become serious, such as high blood pressure, blood clots, heart attacks, or strokes. If you are considering these medications, it’s important to talk with your doctor about any other medications you are taking and be informed of any potential risks.

Be Informed

To learn more about conception, pregnancy, sex, and relationships, contact Hope Pregnancy Center today. Our caring staff will take time to listen to your concerns and answer any questions you may have. All of our services are 100% confidential and offered at no cost to you. Text us today at 405-531-9011 to schedule an appointment at one of our seven locations in Oklahoma. We’d love to meet with you.

What is Self-Managed Abortion?

Thu, 05 Sep 2024 20:50:32 GMT

In the past few years, there’s been a growing focus on abortion and reproductive rights. Events such as the Reproductive Health Act enacted in New York at the start of this year and the Human Life Protection Act passed in Alabama a few months ago have served to make the spotlight shine brighter on the issue. Out of this debate has spawned a new focus: self-managed abortion. This has been the cause of much controversy and conflicting information, making it difficult to know what it truly is. In today’s blog, we dispel the myths around this topic and share the facts. Keep reading to learn more, then contact Hope Pregnancy Center for more information on all pregnancy options.

What is Self-Managed Abortion?

Self-managed abortion is when a woman performs their own abortion outside of a clinic or doctor’s office without the assistance of medical personnel. These types of abortions are typically performed by taking large doses of medications, but other methods involve the use of herbs (sometimes called natural home remedies; more on this below). Self-managed abortions are typically performed by women who want an abortion to be conducted discretely, who are unable to go to an abortion provider, are unable to afford a clinical abortion or simply would like the procedure to be done in the familiar setting of their home.

Is Self-Managed Abortion Legal?

The legality of self-managed abortion is murky at best. While using the abortion pill is legal in clinical settings, almost all U.S. states deem it illegal for individuals to obtain or use abortion pill medications without the assistance of a clinic or a prescribed physician. In addition, each state has differing laws that apply to medical abortion, making the question of legality a state by state basis. Women who bought abortion medications online, such as Purvi Patel , Jennie Linn McCormack and Kenlissa Jones , were all arrested for performing self-managed abortion. While the charges against them were later dropped, these cases have set the precedent for legal action against self-managed abortion practices.

What are the Risks?

The method of using herbal remedies to induce an abortion are extremely risky and unreliable. The most common approaches are taking large doses of certain vitamins or herbs. However, these methods are not recognized by the medical community, do not have verifiable standards or success rates and put you at risk for infection and other medical issues. The most common misconception is that because something is “herbal” it’s safe to try, but this could not be further from the truth. In 2018, an Argentinian woman died while attempting to have a self-managed abortion using herbal remedies. These herbal procedures are dangerous at best and should not be a replacement for medical care.

Side effects of the abortion pill include heavy bleeding, headache, diarrhea, nausea, vomiting and cramping. However, with self-managed abortions, it gets more complicated than that. The abortion pill is medically allowed in cases where a pregnancy is less than ten weeks along. However, in McCormack’s case, she thought she was less than nine weeks, but she was actually closer to 20 weeks. Utilizing the abortion pill at such a late stage in her pregnancy was not medically allowed and is part of the reason behind her arrest.

This is why it is vital to get a limited ultrasound before making any decisions about your pregnancy. Many states, including Oklahoma, make it mandatory to receive a limited ultrasound before being able to take any actions regarding abortion methods. The reason for this is that a limited ultrasound confirms a viable pregnancy, as well as how far along you are, which determines what abortion methods are available to you. Without having this information, you are putting your health at risk unnecessarily.

Be Informed

Just like with any medical procedure, abortion is something you need to be well-informed on if you are considering it for yourself. Your health and safety are of the utmost importance and you need accurate information to make an informed decision. At Hope Pregnancy Center, we offer free limited ultrasounds and abortion education. Our goal is to provide you with accurate medical services and information and provide the education and tools you need to explore your pregnancy options. All of our services are provided at no charge, are 100% confidential, and we never financially benefit from your decision. Hope does not provide abortions, but is here for you if you need a safe space to explore your pregnancy. Contact us to schedule a free and confidential appointment.

How to Handle Questions about Your Unplanned Pregnancy with Family over the Holidays

Thu, 05 Sep 2024 20:36:42 GMT

For many, the holidays are a time of joy and family gatherings, reuniting with friends and loved ones and enjoying the time together. However, when you’re facing an unplanned pregnancy, those gatherings can turn from a source of happiness to a source of anxiety. While they may mean well, the conversations and questions that can arise can be uncomfortable and hard to navigate. In today’s post, we discuss some tips for handling these conversations with your family in a respectful and loving way. For more resources and support, during the holidays and beyond, contact Hope Pregnancy Center today.

Think Through What You Want to Share

Whether your family members know about your unplanned pregnancy or not, they’re bound to have questions for you when they learn of it (Is the father in the picture? What pregnancy option have you decided on? etc.). And while you can’t control their questions, you can control the way the conversation goes. If a question is asked that makes you uncomfortable, simply tell them you’d rather not discuss it right now and change the topic. It may be helpful to think through beforehand what aspects of your pregnancy you’re comfortable talking about. Consider sharing what you’ve decided on with a few other family members who can provide you with support and help steer the conversation back on track when needed.

Navigating the Many Opinions

While they mean well, you’ll most likely have a few family members that will share their opinions on your unplanned pregnancy with you. They’re often speaking from a place of love and concern, but it doesn’t always come out this way. When faced with this situation, try to turn it into a positive. Thank them for their opinion or their insights and try to keep the conversation moving. Saying something like “I really appreciate your input and will think about what you’ve said, but right now what I really need is your support.”

Give Them Grace

One of the most important things to remember is how you felt when you first discovered you were pregnant. The rush of emotions, the questions you had, and how it took time for you to process the news. Now it’s your family’s turn to process the news; try to extend them some grace if they react negatively. More often than not, they’re reacting emotionally and even though they may say some hurtful things, after they’ve had time to process, the emotions will settle and apologies will be made.

Take Care of Yourself

Above all else, make sure that you’re not overextending yourself. Holidays can be a hectic time, and if you need to take a break throughout the activities, or even not attend at all and schedule a smaller family get together, do it! It’s easy to feel pressured to attend, but only you know your limits and you need to take care of yourself. You may also consider planning a fun or relaxing activity after the holidays to unwind and have something to look forward to. You’re caring for two people now, not just yourself, and need to ensure you’re looking out for both of you first and foremost.

Find Support and Help

If you’re still not sure if you can handle the holiday conversations, or simply need some resources and support for your unplanned pregnancy, contact Hope Pregnancy Center today. We’re here to support you through every stage of your pregnancy and discuss all of your pregnancy options in a safe and comfortable atmosphere. We offer free resources such as pregnancy testing, medical referrals, maternity supplies, parenting education, and more.

What Is Abortion Pill Reversal?

Tue, 20 Aug 2024 20:28:52 GMT

Many women who choose abortion have regrets – and some start having them immediately after taking abortive medication. In the past, these women would have had to finish a procedure they no longer wanted. Now, however, there is another option: a medical treatment to reverse the effects of the abortion pill. At Hope Pregnancy Center, we provide abortion pill reversal services , please text 405-531-9011 .

How Abortion Pills Work

The abortion pill reversal process is based on the way the abortion pill itself works. The abortion “pill” is actually two separate medications given at different times. The first, mifepristone (also known as Mifeprex or RU-486) is a steroidal drug that inhibits the actions of the pregnancy hormone, progesterone. It is given at the first appointment with a doctor and prepares a woman’s body for abortion by softening the cervix and degrading parts of the placenta.

However, mifepristone alone does not complete the abortion process. Within 24-48 hours after taking it, a woman must take a second drug, misoprostol, to complete the abortion process. Misoprostol causes uterine cramps and contractions that detach the embryo from the uterus and induces a miscarriage.

Because there is a delay between taking mifepristone and misoprostol, an abortion is not immediate . This delay is what makes the abortion pill reversal a possibility.

The Abortion Pill Reversal Process

Abortion pill reversal is based on reversing or avoiding the effects of the first abortive drug , mifepristone. Because mifepristone works to block progesterone receptors, abortion pill reversal attempts to overwhelm the drug with supplemental progesterone.

By giving a woman who has taken mifepristone high doses of supplemental progesterone , doctors can reduce the effects of the drug and attempt to save the pregnancy. The supplemental progesterone negates the mifepristone in the body until the abortion drug is out of the woman’s system and her own progesterone can support the pregnancy normally.

Research shows that when high dose oral progesterone taken within 72 hours of the first abortion pill, Mifepristone, is 67% effective in stopping the effects of abortion drugs and saving a pregnancy. In other words, about 68 percent of women who undergo the reversal will be able to continue on and have a normal pregnancy with no harm to the baby. While this isn’t a perfect success rate, it’s a rare opportunity for a second chance for women who regret their initial choice.

Can I Get an Abortion Pill Reversal?

If you have already taken Mifepristone and you regret your choice, it may not be too late. Call the Abortion Pill Reversal hotline today at (877) 558-0333 to speak to a caring, confidential representative and learn more about your options. Learn more at AbortionPillReversal.com

Fetal Development

Tue, 12 Mar 2024 20:10:57 GMT

Fetal Development – The First Nine Months

Pregnancy can seem strange and mysterious. If you’ve recently found out you’re pregnant, or you’re just curious about the development of an unborn child, you’ve reached the right place. Here we’ll take a look at the fetal development and growth of your pregnancy week by week, so you can learn about and enjoy the wonderful changes that occur throughout every pregnancy.

When Does Pregnancy Start?

Before embarking on the journey of a child’s development in the womb, we must first determine exactly when the pregnancy began. In modern medicine, there are two ways of dating a pregnancy: gestational age and fertilization age.

Gestational age refers to the time since the first day of the mother’s last menstrual period. In most visits to a prenatal doctor, he or she will refer to the age of your baby in terms of gestational age. In most cases, the gestational age begins two or more weeks before the fertilization of the egg by sperm.

Fertilization age refers to how long it has been since the actual event of conception: the fertilization of an egg by sperm. Because most women ovulate (release an egg into their womb from the ovary) in the middle of their menstrual cycle, fertilization age is typically about 14 days later than the gestational age. However, every woman’s cycle is different and thus fertilization age is slightly less accurate than gestational age.

For purposes of convenience, the dates in this development guide use gestational age as a milestone. To determine when these milestones occur in terms of fertilization age, simply subtract approximately two weeks from our week by week pregnancy fetal development guide.

The Stages of Pregnancy

It’s important to remember that every pregnancy is different, and your week by week experience may be different from that of other women. However, one thing is certain – when you find out you’re pregnant, you should schedule an appointment with a prenatal care doctor or midwife who can advise you on the best ways to care for yourself and your developing child. A doctor or midwife can also answer all your questions and give you the best advice for the remainder of your pregnancy.

If you’re scared or unsure about your pregnancy, give Hope a call. We have years of experience in helping women through the confusion and difficulty associated with an unplanned or surprise pregnancy. We offer hope, support, and education – never judgment.

Have Questions? Please text (405) 531-9011 or schedule your appointment .

Calculating Estimated Due Date

Tue, 12 Mar 2024 20:06:05 GMT

Are you pregnant but you’re not sure exactly when you conceived?

Trying to figure out exactly how far along you are unfortunately is not as easy as plugging in the start date of your LMP (last menstrual period). Most people don’t have an exact 28-day cycle which most calculators are built on. Unless you know the exact day you had sex and you have a very predictable cycle, the date can be off by as much as a week.

The best way to find out how many weeks pregnant you are is through a limited ultrasound . It’s quick and easy and will give you the information you need before your next step.

To schedule a complimentary limited ultrasound , you first need to have a positive pregnancy test at one of our Hope Pregnancy Centers. Your limited ultrasound will be provided by a nurse trained in sonography who can answer your pregnancy questions.

NOTE : The results of this calculator are estimates only. Our center does not guarantee the information provided by this calculator.

Have Questions? Please text (405) 531-9011 or schedule your appointment .

Pregnancy Signs & Symptoms: Am I Pregnant?

Mon, 11 Mar 2024 19:54:17 GMT

Pregnancy symptoms differ from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy. Signs and symptoms of pregnancy also vary depending on how long you’ve been pregnant. Pregnancy symptoms at one week are different from pregnancy symptoms at four weeks. Some women experience early signs and symptoms of pregnancy within a week of conception. For other women, pregnancy symptoms may develop over a few weeks or may not be present at all.

Thinking you may be pregnant is a big deal. Our caring and compassionate client care specialists are here to listen and offer you support.

Top 10 Signs and Symptoms of Pregnancy

1. Itchy or Tingling Nipple

2. Increased Sense of Smell

3. Frequent Urination

4. Nausea or Vomiting

5. Unexplained Fatigue

6. Lightheadedness

7. Backaches or Cramping

8. Food Cravings or Aversions

9. Darkening of Nipples

10. Late or Missed Period

Early pregnancy symptoms can mimic a normal period, the flu, PMS, or even an STD. Some people experience many symptoms and some not at all. If you have more than one of the following symptoms or a late period, make an appointment and get the answers you need right away.

Your Next Step:

If you have been experiencing any of the above early signs and symptoms of pregnancy, you should take a pregnancy test to find out whether or not you’re pregnant. Hope Pregnancy Center offers free, confidential pregnancy testing and a limited OB limited ultrasound to confirm pregnancy.

A positive test ( including a home test ) is an indication of pregnancy, but not a confirmation. The test result should be confirmed by an OB Ultrasound.

An limited ultrasound determines the viability of a pregnancy. Many pregnancies naturally self-terminate after just a few weeks. In addition, you may have an ectopic or tubal pregnancy (a pregnancy seated in the fallopian tube rather than the uterus) which requires immediate medical attention.

If you weren’t expecting to get pregnant or aren’t feeling ready to be pregnant, we provide you education about your pregnancy options. Hope Pregnancy Center’s trained volunteers will listen to your concerns and help you consider and understand your options, as well as explain early signs and symptoms of pregnancy. We don’t offer judgment or criticism; we’re here to help and support you. If you’re uncertain, scared, sad, or feeling alone, we can help.

Abortion Pill

Mon, 11 Mar 2024 19:45:18 GMT

What Is the Abortion Pill?

The abortion pill isn't a single medication but a combination of two drugs: mifepristone and misoprostol . Together, they can terminate a pregnancy in its early stages, typically within the first 10 weeks.

Mifepristone : This first pill is taken at a healthcare provider’s office, clinic, or sometimes at home. It works by blocking the hormone progesterone, which is necessary for the pregnancy to continue. Without progesterone, the pregnancy cannot sustain itself and begins to break down.

Misoprostol : Taken 24 to 48 hours after mifepristone, this second pill causes the uterus to contract and expel the pregnancy tissue. It is typically taken at home.

What to Expect When Using the Abortion Pill

The experience of taking the abortion pill varies from person to person, but here are some common experiences:

First Pill (Mifepristone) : After taking the first pill, most people don’t feel much difference right away. However, some may experience light bleeding or spotting.

Second Pill (Misoprostol) : After taking the second pill, cramping, heavy bleeding, and the passage of pregnancy tissue are typical. These symptoms can last for several hours or even a day, and they may be similar to a heavy period. It’s important to have a support system and pain relief on hand during this time.

Follow-up : After a few weeks, a follow-up appointment with a healthcare provider is usually recommended to ensure the abortion was complete and that there are no complications.

Possible Side Effects and Risks

As with any medical procedure, there are potential risks associated with the abortion pill and it’s essential to be aware of potential side effects, such as:

Heavy bleeding (similar to a miscarriage)
Severe cramping and abdominal pain
Nausea, vomiting, or diarrhea
Infection (if not treated or if an incomplete abortion occurs)

In the rare case of a severe reaction, such as excessive bleeding or symptoms of infection (fever, chills, foul-smelling discharge), it is critical to seek immediate medical help.

Morning After Pill (Plan B)

Mon, 11 Mar 2024 19:40:26 GMT

Before taking the Morning After Pill, you should understand what it is, what it could mean to your health and how it works. Call for an appointment and one of our staff will be happy to discuss it with you, confirm if you’re pregnant and advise you on your options.

What is It?

The “morning after pill” is a large dose of oral contraceptive. Known as Plan B, the pill is actually 2 tablets, one taken within 72 hours of intercourse and the second 12 hours later. It is NOT the same as RU-486.

How Does It Work?

Plan B is believed to act as an emergency contraceptive by preventing ovulation or fertilization. In addition, it may inhibit implantation. It is not effective once the process of implantation has begun.

Things to Consider:

Emergency contraception is not effective if a woman is already pregnant.
Plan B does not protect against HIV infection (AIDS) and other sexually transmitted diseases.
The most common side effects in the Plan B clinical trial were nausea, abdominal pain, fatigue, headache, and menstrual changes.
The manufacturer warns that Plan B is not recommended for routine use as a contraceptive.

Source

“The Morning-After Pill .” University of Iowa Hospitals and Clinics, 24 May 2018, uihc.org/health-topics/morning-after-pill-following-unprotected-sex.

9 Warning Signs You May Be In an Unhealthy Relationship

Mon, 05 Feb 2024 19:26:39 GMT

Every relationship is different. What works for one couple might be completely different than what works for another. However, there’s a difference between a relationship being unique and individual, and a relationship being harmful or unhealthy for one or both partners. It can be hard for people to know if they’re in an unhealthy relationship, since you can grow used to the lifestyle or deny that problems exist. If you think your relationship might be unhealthy or you aren’t sure, take a look below to find several common warning signs in unhealthy relationships.

Physical Abuse

One of the most common hallmarks of an unhealthy or dangerous relationship is physical abuse from one partner to the other, often in the form of hitting or slapping. No matter who hit whom or how often it occurs, physical abuse is just that: abuse. No healthy relationship should resort to violence.

Ridicule and Name Calling

It’s normal for couples to argue from time to time, but if your arguments ever descend from a disagreement about an issue to ridicule of each other’s character or personality, you might have a problem. Calling each other stupid, lazy, or other negative terms can show a lack of respect between partners, and that doesn’t spell a happy couple.

Jealous Behavior

If you feel like your partner is constantly checking up on you, interrogating you about your friends or activities, or making you feel bad for doing things away from them, that could be a sign of an unhealthy relationship. Overly needy or possessive behavior also counts as jealousy, so don’t be flattered when your partner is unreasonable about you spending time elsewhere or doing things with other friends.

Unsavory Behavior towards Others

While it’s not a direct symptom of an unhealthy relationship, undesirable behavior towards others can often signal deeper problems or potential for abuse. If your partner is verbally or physically sexist, racist, or abusive toward other people outside your relationship, there’s a greater chance that he or she will also turn that behavior toward you. Remember, you should be proud and happy to be with your partner, not reluctant or embarrassed.

History of Abuse

New relationships often take on some of the character of previous relationships in our lives. If your partner experienced an abusive relationship when he or she was growing up, they might unconsciously emulate some of those behaviors in their own relationships. Counseling can help people deal with past abuse and have healthy relationships again, but it’s not easy or quick.

Threats and Ultimatums

One characteristic sign of an unhealthy relationship is when one partner starts making threats or ultimatums for the other person. These can be threats of violence, such as promises to hurt or kill the other person, or threats of leaving the relationship or exposing secrets. Threats can even be promises to hurt themselves, like threats of suicide (“I’d kill myself if you left me.”). Ultimatums – demands that the other partner do something, no matter what – also fall into this category. In any case, all of these techniques are ways for one partner to control the other with force.

Lack of Support

A common thread in many unhealthy relationships is one partner feeling unsupported or cast away by the other partner. If you feel like your hopes and ambitions are met with criticism and negativity rather than support and guidance from your partner, you might be in an unhealthy relationship. Remember that your partner isn’t obligated to support you all the time, but they also shouldn’t leave you feeling resentful or unhappy.

Alcohol or Substance Abuse

Again, a history of alcohol or drug abuse is not necessarily indicative of an unhealthy relationship. However, alcohol and drug abuse do often point toward other mental or psychological problems such as depression, addiction, or impulse control problems. You might suggest counseling before leaving your partner for their substance abuse problems, but if they aren’t willing to work on the problem it’s a bad sign.

Cheating and Infidelity

If you’re in an exclusive relationship and your partner cheats on you, that can be a major sign that he or she doesn’t respect you or the relationship you have. Regardless of what they say or promise afterward, cheating is a bad sign. Some people’s relationships can weather this storm, but it’s entirely up to you whether you feel comfortable taking your partner back or not.

Obviously these aren’t all the signs of an unhealthy relationship, but they are some of the biggest and most visible. If you think you’re in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, help is available from several sources, including the Domestic Violence Victims Service from the Oklahoma District Attorneys Council. You can also learn more about healthy relationships from online sources like Love is Respect .